I've almost been here a year. And while I don't doubt that this is good, that being near my family is what my heart needs, and man living near my cousins for the first time in my life is seriously the best, it's been hard. I thought by now I'd have made friends, found people, found community, but I haven't, it is so so so hard here. It makes me so grateful for the other times in my life when I've been the new kid and stumbled into groups of people that made me feel wanted and welcome and part of them, (heey indiana+costa rica) it makes my heart kind of explode with thank yous towards you and simultaneously break a little because I miss you. Having my favorite people permanently far away is nothing new but just sucks extra hard right now. And man, making friends as an adult is the absolute worst.
tl;dr: i had a cry in the bathroom with a beer at a super cool event because being lonely as fuck is hard.